Fear of Becoming the “Wrong” Kind of Man or Woman
Several detransitioned gay men describe a moment when the idea of growing into an adult gay man felt unbearable. One man recalls: “As I got more masculine it started causing me ‘dysphoria’ which really was just a fear of aging into an adult gay man… I would lie to them and say I was a girl.” – Aware-Resist-8655 source [citation:eae609f7-d962-4790-8e24-6ad9a5b556ba]
This dread was not about the body itself, but about what the body signified in a world that ridicules or sexualises gay men. Transition offered a temporary escape from that feared identity.

Media Stereotypes Teaching Shame
Detransitioned lesbians often trace their self-rejection to the way lesbians are portrayed. One woman explains: “Lesbians usually die. If they didn’t die, they were in pornos… I internalized my attraction toward women as wrong, unhealthy, and something that will go away.” – ParticularSwanne source [citation:ae9b8129-71e9-4cce-a8ca-ad22be5edd56]
Because no positive images existed, she learned to treat her own feelings as a secret flaw rather than a natural part of herself. The stereotype became a cage she tried to exit by changing her body.

Compulsory Heterosexuality and the “Need” to Like the Opposite Sex
Many describe a quiet pressure to be attracted to the opposite sex, even when that attraction felt forced. “I automatically refused to question whether or not I was a lesbian, because I felt the need to be attracted to men… I reasoned that since I had dated boys… that was proof enough that I must’ve been bi.” – fir3dyk3 source [citation:cb3c21f0-7485-4e28-b824-0121cfbdd195]
This “need” is not an inner truth; it is a social rule that says only opposite-sex attraction is acceptable. When the rule clashes with reality, some people conclude the problem is their body rather than the rule itself.

Body Disgust Rooted in Homophobia, Not Anatomy
Several gay men link their earliest body hatred to the moment they realised they were gay. “I discovered I was gay at 9… I started hating the body I was growing into around the same time… I can’t stand the idea of being with a man in this body.” – Your_socks source [citation:cad02c17-d595-4c17-957f-696654d70214]
The disgust was not with the body’s shape alone, but with the body as a symbol of gay manhood in a hostile culture. Recognising this distinction helps separate internalized homophobia from genuine gender-related distress.

Conclusion: Freedom Through Understanding and Non-Conformity
These stories show that internalized homophobia can masquerade as gender dysphoria when society teaches that being gay is shameful or impossible. The path forward is not to change the body, but to question the rigid roles and stereotypes that made the body feel wrong. Embracing gender non-conformity—living as a feminine man, a masculine woman, or simply a gay person who defies expectations—offers a non-medical route to self-acceptance and peace.